I did get Labor Day weekend off, but that was the last one I had until next week (and it was...eh...less than relaxing). The military has taken more time away from me this month than I remember. I know I'm lucky to have 2 jobs, but downtime, and especially sleep, is so crucial to me. I have not had a chance to sit with my son and just chat. I missed his birthday last weekend, which did not go well (until a friend of mine rescued him.) My plants have started to whither. My cats are very clingy when I do get home. It's a little mess. When I was married I was a stay at home mom. I cleaned and cooked and took care of my son. I was busy, sure, but it was a different kind of busy. I had a crazy schedule, but I never had to change out of my pj's, if needed. I could actually go to the post office when it was open. Best of all, watching my baby was part of that job and there was nowhere else I wanted to be.
When I got divorced there was a period of time where I floated from place to place, trying to regain my footing. I still had the freedom to spend time on Wally. I even went back to school for art, something I had always intended to do, until I got a call for a federal job. I had to take it. I really had no choice. The insecurity that went with the freedom was so stressful. I had to.
For stability I traded freedom and a small piece of my soul. I want to think it's on loan, because I cannot keep the real Sarah-soul in the nice little zoo forever. But right now I can pay my rent and sleep in a safe town with a good school . More importantly, so can my son. He seems to be thriving in this environment. My son graduates in 4 years and then... who knows? Back to the Park Service? A degree in Geography? Painting murals again? In the meantime I wish I had sleep to dump the temp file and defrag my hard drive. I know I could make a better plan if I had a little rest.
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