Friday, October 1, 2010

Working, Freedom and a Little Piece of Your Soul

I did get Labor Day weekend off, but that was the last one I had until next week (and it than relaxing).  The military has taken more time away from me this month than I remember. I know I'm lucky to have 2 jobs, but downtime, and especially sleep, is so crucial to me.  I have not had a chance to sit with my son and just chat.  I missed his birthday last weekend, which did not go well (until a friend of mine rescued him.)  My plants have started to whither.  My cats are very clingy when I do get home.  It's a little mess.

When I was married I was a stay at home mom.  I cleaned and cooked and took care of my son.  I was busy, sure, but it was a different kind of busy.  I had a crazy schedule, but I never had to change out of my pj's, if needed.  I could actually go to the post office when it was open.  Best of all, watching my baby was part of that job and there was nowhere else I wanted to be. 

When I got divorced there was a period of time where I floated from place to place, trying to regain my footing.  I still had the freedom to spend time on Wally.  I even went back to school for art, something I had always  intended to do, until I got a call for a federal job.  I had to take it.  I really had no choice.  The insecurity that went with the freedom was so stressful.  I had to.  

For stability I traded freedom and a small piece of my soul.  I want to think it's on loan, because I cannot keep the real Sarah-soul in the nice little zoo forever.  But right now I can pay my rent and sleep in a safe town with a good school .  More importantly, so can my son. He seems to be thriving in this environment.  My son graduates in 4 years and then... who knows?  Back to the Park Service? A degree in Geography? Painting murals again?   In the meantime I wish I had sleep to dump the temp file and defrag my hard drive.  I know I could make a better plan if I had a little rest.

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